Valium Sandwich, Bottle of Gin

Dealing with stress. Coping.

We all experience stress. So many situations. Events. Triggers.

What’s insignificant to one is catastrophic for another. If we accept this, not judge it, we manage our own stress more effectively.

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Context: the interrelated conditions in which something exists or occurs

2021.

Sydney now. We’re in Covid lockdown. A couple of months now. Facing another month, maybe more. Hundreds of new cases diagnosed daily. Today 830 announced. We wear masks everywhere. The Police Minister urges us to snitch on anyone we see breaking lockdown rules.

Last Wednesday. My brother’s 60th birthday. No party. A family Zoom though. He lives in the UK, a widower whose adult children have long left home. (Happy birthday Cameron!)

March. Our other brother dies, in ICU after a long illness. I’m next to him when he dies. (RIP Stuart.)

January. My close friend of many years dies in the hospice, also after a long illness. I’m next to him when he dies too. Later I discover that he’s duped me out of tens of thousands of dollars. (Harsh, but: Rot in Hell.)

My nephew behaves like a brat. Relentless. Selfish. His newly widowed mother copes surprisingly well. But barely.

A week ago a friend suicides. His final social media post, a photo of him as a young boy, is self-captioned, “Who knew this boy would endure so much pain.”

1985. I’m in year 11. My uncle, my dad’s brother, suicides. My grandmother tells everyone it’s a terrible car accident. Hose from the exhaust pipe isn’t an accident.

Recently I reconnect with someone from my school days. Murders his parents when he’s 19. Serves 20 years in prison. We exchange emails and share our stories of 30 years of life journeys. We discuss the paedophile school counsellor at our prestigious private school who molests hundreds of boys in the 70s and 80s before hanging himself in his garage.

Life is packed with stress.

My friend’s teenage daughter can’t get her nails done. Seems insignificant. For me. For her, catastrophic.

My cousin posts on social media about his Uber Eats order missing an item. Hashtag Hangry.

Eddie Jaku pens his memoir, The Happiest Man on Earth, about his imprisonment at Buchenwald and Auschwitz.

Christopher Pyne acknowledges a privileged life and quips in his valedictory speech to parliament, “I did once have to get my own lemon for a gin & tonic!”

On the subject of gin…

1991, Surry Hills. I share a house with three flatmates. One, Jeremy, bursts in at the end of his day selling t-shirts at Gowings. Dramatically wipes his forehead with the back of his hand before throwing both hands in the air. “That’s it! I simply cannot fold any more t-shirts!” He rolls his eyes, actually his whole head.

“I need… a Valium sandwich and a bottle of gin!”

I think he means it. He does. We learn this when we find him passed out in the courtyard later. We laugh about it now. He is calm today. We are in touch. We always laugh.

I’m a laugher. I lean, often dive right in really, to humour. Sometimes too fast, too deep. For me it’s easy. It’s coping. Easier than dealing. Less dangerous than Valium sandwiches.

There are many things less dangerous than Valium sandwiches.

Coping strategies are techniques that help reduce negative feelings when someone is feeling under stress. Those feelings might be the result of anxiety, anger, depression, or just general day-to-day stress. Practicing coping strategies can help us learn how to manage our emotions in a positive way.

I asked friends and colleagues about their coping strategies. What works for one may not work for another. Here are 50. Hopefully there are some that work for you.

1. Take deep breaths

2. Cook or bake

3. Organise something

4. Listen to nature

5. Go for a walk

6. Do yoga

7. Stretch

8. Listen to music

9. Use a stress ball

10. Dance

11. Handwrite a letter

12. Look at pictures you’ve taken

13. Make a gratitude list

14. Do something kind

15. Say hi to your neighbour. Ask them how they’re going.

16. Watch a good movie

17. Take pictures

18. Garden

19. Talk to a friend

20. Talk to your family

21. Visualise your favourite place

22. Think of a pet you love

23. Think about someone you love

24. Get sleep

25. Eat a healthy snack

26. Set a goal. Make a plan. Achieve.

27. Whistle. Hum. Sing your favourite song.

28. Draw a picture

29. Clean something

30. Meditate

31. Write a positive note

32. Paint your nails yourself

33. Blog

34. Watch comedy on YouTube

35. Write a haiku

36. Drink cold water

37. Write thank you notes

38. Count to 100

39. Read inspirational quotes

40. Visualise a stop sign

41. Laugh

42. Smile in the mirror

43. Smile at others

44. Look at animal pictures

45. Sit completely still

46. Notice 5 things you can see

47. Notice 4 things you can hear

48. Notice 3 things you can feel

49. Notice 2 things you can smell

50. Notice 1 thing you can taste

Those ones, 45–50, are my personal favourite. A great way to spend 10 minutes.

Breathe.

David Imrie is Principal of Sydney based consultancy Paramount People. Head hunter. Recruiter. Coach. Expertise in Peak Performance Sales Teams.